Dr. Paul O. was well-known for his participation in and work with Alcoholics Anonymous. I stumbled across his book You can’t make me Angry by accident. I don't even remember how I came to be in possession of it. What I do know is the golden nuggets of wisdom in his book helped to create a profound shift in me. It helped me build the winning way of emotional maturity.
Golden Nugget #1: "Emotional maturity demands ongoing, total acceptance of people, places, things and situations as they are, rather than as I might wish them to be" (p. 47).
Golden Nugget #2: "Chronic victims aren't up to the challenge, and their resentments are their excuse for staying emotionally where they are" (p. 82). If you can’t change, it’s hard to be a Champion.
Golden Nugget #3: "It's almost impossible to help victims. In spite of what they say, they don't want change, they want sympathy. They want others to understand and agree with their difficult plight." (p. 88).
Golden Nugget #4: Be responsible for your own feelings. Dr. O shares about his experience with his wife Max:
"I gave Max a written Declaration of Emotional Independence. It stated that she was no longer responsible for my feelings and I was no longer responsible for hers. My anger and all my feelings, I admitted, came from me, not from her. From that point on, I could no longer say, 'You made me angry.' I could only say, 'I chose to get angry when you did what you did.'
In addition, neither of us could ever again pout in an effort to make the other feel guilty for how we felt. Our feelings became our personal responsibility and could no longer be blamed on our partner" (p.45).
To be a champion in life, practicing acceptance, taking ownership of your feelings, and leaving the victim mentality behind are mandatory winning ways.